I’ve been recently waking up in the middle of the night, around 4 am. I don’t think is due to the pregnancy, it has more to do with closing the windows thinking the breeze is quite refreshing at night and then finding your limbs and face boiling in the darkness.

That, as well as my hunger and my deep dreams. I could remember everything after waking up. And that’s bad, you know, because then you just think it over and try to make conclusions.

It is very weird how last night I dreamt of a very old woman who used to be my patient 2 years ago. I used to visit her along with my Clinical Supervisor in her family house, because she was unable to go to the surgery.

She lived with one of her twin daughters and was also assisted by a wonderful carer. The lady herself was rather peculiar. She seemed lovely to me, but she’d been very mean to her poor daughters all her life.Very fussy and picky even with us around, belittling the daughter who would do anything to please her despite the miserable past she and her sister went through due to her mother’s temperament.

I wonder how my mind picked this memory, but in this case, in my dream, I was her family. I happened to be in a family gathering, everybody around the table about to have lunch and I went to the kitchen to get something and I see the old lady, my patient now my grandmother, in the same corner of the house where I would go to speak and examine her. She was isolated, confused and upset. Her carer, left without notice, taking advantage of the crowded house that day and left her alone without food. So, in shock and very moody, I got her some food and skipped the family gathering to be with her. I was upset with the carer and upset about my company, which wasn’t really pleasant and not what I was expecting from that day. And later on had a conversation with my real mum in the dream and the carer…

Veeeeery bizarre. I wonder why her, why this. What’s the moral or the key message of the dream?  Grumpy old people deserve good care too? Am I going to be grumpy? I am definitely going to get old?

I hope I don’t get to that point, to be honest. And I also wish that people treat me with respect and kindness if I do.  I do not want them to forget that I once was like them, a sharp and dynamic person. But I will also work on it, to deserve it.

I guess that was my conclusion.  And I really wish I have a great sleep tonight, I can’t handle more deep dreams!